My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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