If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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