Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
