it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I've blown a few things in my day
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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