3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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