fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
