So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
