just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
no you cant smoke seaweed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
