Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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