y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it glows. i had to have it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
