Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
im having a threesome with these popsicles
please come you make the beer taste better
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
