I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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