it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
