He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
