Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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