piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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