she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Hippo gnu deer
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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