I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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