So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
