Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
