You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
