That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
