so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
