Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize