Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
