That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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