Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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