and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
