I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
