My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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