it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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