We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
