You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize