I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
