Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
