whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
