u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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