I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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