Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize