omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize