So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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