it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
