The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
