If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
