sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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