But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize