We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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