im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
