Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
