just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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