Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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