if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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