Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
