I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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