Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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