I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
