toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
