look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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