8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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