I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
