Sry I called you an 8
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I would fuck him just for his dog
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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