my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize