Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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