I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
