Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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