u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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